THE HOLLYWOOD RAGE PAGE

“When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools.” ―  William Shakespeare,  King Lear Full disclosure:   I am a Facebook crier.   Lately any video of returning military men and women surprising their children have turned me into a tectonic plate of quivering, emotional gelatin. The moment of recognition, when those Keane-sized, waif eyes suddenly detect who they are seeing guts me.   But what really sends me over the edge is that powerful, magnetic pull sprint into those waiting for mommy and daddy arms where the kids burrow and nest and weep with joy, as if the power of love will keep their returned heroes forever planted like the Giving Tree that they are. In that scenario, I’m both parties.   I’m the abandoned child, standing on a ship’s dock or at the arrival gate of an airport terminal, holding a bouquet of fresh bought roses, scanning for the faces of my mom or dad amongst the high-speed blur of facele...

The single biggest influence in my life as a writer was Neil Simon.   Trust me it was not easy having the last name Simon but I guess it was slightly easier than if my last name was Shakespeare, although Shakespeare writing “Full House” would have been kind of funny. The closest I ever came to feeling like him was when someone would say, “Neil Simon” and by instinct, I would. Neil Simon has been so indelible in our everyday lives that like the National Anthem and The New York Yankees it feels like he has always been here as naturally as water, air, Twinkies and really stupid people in Congress. I don’t remember my first kiss with a Neil Simon play but I’m sure there was one.   Not wanting to interrupt the flow here, I will think about that later.   I do remember seeing all of the “B” plays and sitting transfixed watching Lost in Yonkers.   I think my jaw is still glued to the floor of the Richard Rogers Theater. I remember watching Linda Lavin ...

Because white/right extremist, uneducated (“Christian”) America is so in my face lately I have had no choice but to deal with them the way that a bewildered parent has to deal with their moderately or even severely handicapped adopted child. As kind-hearted and understanding as I am, the truth is I did not sign up for this job and it is, In fact, a struggle most of the time.   Being civil and patient is starting to feel like P.T. Barnum was right when he said that there’s a sucker born every minute. Being the continually evolving and deeply empathetic guy that I am (over my desk is a sign that reads, “Be Kind To Everyone, make art, fight the system”) I take great pride in my long-term employment as a professional idealist via the kind of writing that I do for a both a living.   I am for the most part a glass-filled to the brim kind of guy.   I can be relentlessly optimistic and inordinately passionate to a fault.   I did live in LA for years and...

So how was your weekkkend?     Mine began by seeing Blackkklansman which shook me to my core and the core of my funny bone and on Sunday I got to see the “amazing” “fantastic” turnout of Neo-Nazis, who paraded in from of the White House in numbers that equaled a small town protest to save the local squirrels. The good news was that the anti-protestor protestors showed up en masse in fairly big outnumbers and kicked some serious sign carrying and vocal ass. The take away for me was the reminder that White Supremacists in America, like Trump’s base, are a minority. You would not know that by watching TV, because of cable news’s insistence of carrying live coverage of Trump rallies which always reminds me of the furor over the Fuhrer at those once upon a time Hitler Youth social gatherings where genocide seemed like a fun thing to do on a Friday night.   The fervor got you into a uniform.   Sort of like everyone wearing a red cap and goose-steppin...

Best Performance by the only black background extra in most films. Worst performance by a Wasp: This year's recipient Betsy DeVoss. The President's Award for Favorite film*: (*His reviews from last year: The Shape of Water: 'That's about Flint, right? ZZZZZ." I, Tonya: "Yeah, I prefer the Lone Ranger." Coco: 'Channel is fantastic. Dunkirk: "Yeah, Kirk Douglas is really old." Get Out: " I still get messages that say that. I guess that means I have to see it." A Fantastic Woman: "That's what I call every broad whose at least a high 9 in my settlement agreements." Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri: "I'm guessing that they all said, "Make America Great Again." Frances McDormand: "I prefer America's McDormand." Sam Rockwell: "My favorite Flintstone character....