MORE NEW OSCAR CATEGORIES ANNOUNCED!

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Best Performance by the only black background extra in most films.

Worst performance by a Wasp: This year's recipient Betsy DeVoss.

The President's Award for Favorite film*:

(*His reviews from last year:

The Shape of Water: 'That's about Flint, right? ZZZZZ."

I, Tonya: "Yeah, I prefer the Lone Ranger."

Coco: 'Channel is fantastic.

Dunkirk: "Yeah, Kirk Douglas is really old."

Get Out: " I still get messages that say that. I guess that means I have to see it."

A Fantastic Woman: "That's what I call every broad whose at least a high 9 in my settlement agreements."

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri: "I'm guessing that they all said, "Make America Great Again."

Frances McDormand: "I prefer America's McDormand."

Sam Rockwell: "My favorite Flintstone character. Five stars!"

Gary Oldman: "Disrespectful. I hate being called Donald Oldman. Sad."

Phantom Thread: "I believe using that is what made the F-35 invisible. Fantastic."

Darkest Hour: "When McDonald's is closed. Sad!"

Other categories

Best achievement for no sound: (this year going to "A Quiet Place.")

Best film that makes black audiences yell at the screen

Best film to text or play Flappy Golf to

The NRA Award for special achievement for the most violent film that may inspire mentally ill white Chrisitan men to act out.

Special award to the best Hollywood based formal attire store: This year's away goes to the Japanese outlet, Nippon and Tux. (Who also worked on Cher for Mamma Mia)

The L. Ron Hubbard Award honoring a Scientologist with a title that perfectly describes the faith: This year's recipient:
Tom Cruise/Mission Impossible

Best refreshments: also known as this year's Concession Speech. A special medal to nacho survivors.

Best Star Wars character based on Harvey Weinstein: We have a three-way tie! Congrats to Sy Sneedles, Ephant Mon, and Bib Fortuna!

As part of the above: The Hand Solo award goes to Louis C.K.

LGBT Award: Jeff Sessions, who, when he's not wearing sheets, is telling Americans what they can and cannot do with theirs.

The 8 Years a Slave Award: President by Mitch McConnell to this year's winner, Barack Obama for his two terms endured.

The All The President's Men Awards: will be presented this year in white-collar prisons.

The Enemy of the People/Year of Living
Dangerously Award: recognizing past films like Front Page, Citizen Kane, China Syndrome and A Mighty Heart, which gets a special merit award from the Trump base for it's heartfelt and deeply satisfying ending.

The Eighth Grace Award for Vocabulary to Donald Trump, sponsored by Gucci.

The Red Sparrow Award to Steven Segal. Here is what impressed Putin on Steven's resume:

In May 1991 (during the filming of Out for Justice), Warner Bros. employees Raenne Malone, Nicole Selinger, and Christine Keeve accused Seagal of sexual harassment.[58] In return for remaining silent, Malone and another woman received around $50,000 each in an out of court settlement.[58][59] Around the same time, at least four actresses claimed that Seagal had made sexual advances, typically during late-night "casting sessions".

In another incident, Jenny McCarthy claimed that Seagal asked her to undress during an audition for Under Siege 2.[

1995 lawsuit
In 1995, Seagal was charged with employment discrimination, sexual harassment and breach of contract.[62] Cheryl Shuman filed a case against Seagal, accusing him of threatening and beating her during the filming of On Deadly Ground.[62] In August, 1995, Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Hiroshi Fujisaki dismissed the case, calling the claims "repetitive and unintelligible".

2010 lawsuit
On April 12, 2010, 23-year-old Kayden Nguyen filed a lawsuit against Seagal in a Los Angeles County Superior Court, specifying damages in excess of one million dollars.[63][64][65] In her suit, Nguyen made a number of allegations against Seagal, including sexual harassment, the illegal trafficking of females for sex, failure to prevent sexual harassment, and wrongful termination.[63][64] Seagal personally denied the allegations, yet he was forced to suspend his show, Steven Seagal: Lawman, while his attorneys attempted to resolve the case privately. On July 14, 2010, three months after Nguyen made her claims against Seagal, the case was voluntarily dismissed by the plaintiff without any public explanation.

2011 lawsuit
On August 30, 2011, Jesus Sanchez Llovera filed a lawsuit against Seagal over his part in a Maricopa county police raid with heavy weapons (notably including an Army surplus tank) of Llovera's residence for suspicion of cockfighting. The incident was taped for Segal's A&E reality show, Steven Seagal: Lawman. Llovera was seeking $100,000 for damages made during the raid and a letter of apology from Seagal to Llovera's children for the death of their family pet. Llovera claimed that his 11-month-old puppy was shot and killed during the raid.[68] Llovera failed to file court-ordered paperwork after his attorney withdrew from the case and the lawsuit was dismissed in January 2013

2017 allegations
In 2017, actress Portia de Rossi accused Seagal of sexually harassing her during a movie audition. De Rossi alleged that during an audition in Seagal's office, he told her "how important it was to have chemistry off-screen" before unzipping his pants.[70][71] On November 9, 2017, Dutch model Faviola Dadis posted a statement on her Instagram account stating that she also had been sexually assaulted by Seagal years earlier

2018 allegations and investigation
On January 15, 2018, actress Rachel Grant publicly made a sexual assault allegation against Seagal, claiming an incident took place in 2002, during pre-production on his direct-to-video film, Out for a Kill (2003), and that she lost her job on the film after the incident.[73][74] In March 2018, Regina Simons publicly claimed that in 1993, when she was 18, Seagal raped her at his home when she arrived for what she thought was a wrap party for the movie On Deadly Ground.[75] In February 2018, the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office acknowledged that it was reviewing a potential sex abuse case involving Seagal.

Watch the Oscars on February 9th which also happens to be the anniversary of when, in 1961, President Kennedy asked Congress to approve the Medicare Program for 14.2 million Americans 65 or older, financed by an increase in Social Security taxes, which, thanks to the GOP, should be gone by February 10th.

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