TRUMP'S ITINERARY

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1. Wake up. Cymbals from National Symphony Orchestra and oversized Buddhist gong required
2. Two hours with D.C. Beautician Mr. Suzanne for Cinnabon hair swirling, melted Crayola make up application and girdle fitting.
3. Pick breakfast in cereal room
4. Fill suit pockets with Cocoa Pebbles
5. Pick pill from Adderall smiley face built on the oval office desk.
6. Build Diet Coke can castle with yesterday's empties.
7. Play bowling game using leftover cans as pins
8. Watch nude underage cage match tape from Thailand while not listening to the daily security report.
9. Meeting with Stephen Miller with a German translator
10. Pardon Aunt Becky
11. Receive telepathic messages from Sean Hannity wearing an aluminum foil hat.
12. Alone time with Steve Mnuchin's wife
13. Executive Time with cocaine pudding snacks and redaction reading time with Bill Barr.
14. Colonic administered by either Lindsay Graham or Devon Nunes
15. Lunch. Stand at the window with a telescope to watch McDonald's numbers change
16. Fitting with gravity boots to prevent unexplained spontaneous twirling.
17. Lies session with Sarah Huckabee dressed like Little Debbie.
18. Executive Time strategy meeting with Flo from Progressive
19. Lies session with Mick Mulvaney.
20. Lies session with Jay Sekulow
21. Simon Says game training with Herman Cain and Mike Pence.
22. Shoot commercials for Taiwan based Trump Gentleman Parlors.
23. Shoot commercials with Pat Robertson (to be paid with 10% off coupons from Trump Gentleman Parlors.
24. Pay Felicity Huffman to take Dementia test for him.
25. Chicken McNugget dinner and screening of The Apprentice with paid, cheering audience.
26. Hair and makeup removal using riot hoses.
27. CPAP mask fitting struggle. Four bodyguards needed.

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