I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFI

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I am married not to a woman
Or a man
I am married to my devices
After the vows and rings were exchanged,
We were pronounced
Man and WiFi.

Before the big day
I had a Bachelor Party
Where every man had
A laptop dance.

For our honeymoon we went down 
The Amazon together
Where we happened to be registered too.

The truth is I can’t keep my eyes off of her for 
more than a few seconds.
I know how to read her and
Stroke her keys
When I am with her
Nothing else exists
I doubt that there is any measurable brain activity happening
Inside me.
And yet she has the best memory 
And can find any picture from any moment in my life
That sits in her files.

We binge movies and shows together
Listen to music
Shop
Order in
Travel anywhere
Everything that I need is at my fingertips.

She keeps a very tidy home page and always
Backs me up.

She is always there for me. Always.
She can answer any
Question on demand.
Love it appears, means never having to say you’re Siri. 
Or Alexa. 
That’s for me to say.

After all she works for me.  
I own her.
If I want sex, I get it in seconds.
She never argues with me.
Never blames me.
Sometimes she reaches her limit and 
Crashes but a swift boot will fix all that.
I think that someday she will make a great motherboard.
The truth is we can have all the children and dogs that we want
And never do a thing.

You see, this is what a modern 21st century marriage 
is all about.
Subservience.
Obedience.
Instant gratification
I can tell her exactly how to think
And what she can and cannot do with her body
Total control.

It is downright Biblical.

Her name by the way, is Eve
And one byte of an Apple is all it took
To get what I want
Here in this marriage called
Paradise.















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