HEADS OF THE HAIR CLUB FOR MEN MEET IN SINGAPORE

The head of the North Korean chapter and United States chapter of the Hair Club for Men met in Singapore yesterday to discuss hairstyles and for five or six seconds, nuclear denuclearization and human rights.

Trump, the U. S. representative whose hairstyle has often been compared to  Las Vegas entertainer legend Siegfried Fischbacher  (the two are often mistaken for each other) said, “Kim’s hair cut, is fantastic and he’s in fantastic shape.  He reminded me personally of Dipsy, Laa-Laa, Po, and Tinky Winky. You know, the Teletubbies of which I am a huge fan. They are just tremendous. I would love to play a few rounds of golf with them at Mar-a-Lago. How great would that be?”

The two spent most of their time discussing grooming tips with Trump revealing, “I don’t usually discuss this, but in the, you know, interest of complete candor, I did share that my go-to salon n Washington is “The Enchanted Princess” in Georgetown who just does tremendous things with color and cover-ups, which, as you all know, I am famous for.”  Trump went on to say, “Today was a day of historic proportions.  I signed something, which I did not read, “Stay classy, North Korea” and then played Candy Crush on my phone while everyone talked about things which I did not listen to which I will remember because I have a fantastic memory.  I have often praised and continue to praise international thugs like President Putin and Rodrigo Duterte of the Philippines, who murders his own people on a regular basis.  I think they’re nice, okay?  These are very good people who have the same right to decency and respect as say, the Klan or the Neo-Nazis.  The real horror story here is Angela Merkel and Justin Trudeau.  Those people are not people.  They are animals. Canadians are animals. And boring.  Unbelievably dull.  I mean give me a break, okay?” 

Mr. Un effusively lauded his Ministry of Propaganda and Evil, for getting the photo grab/op pictures of the United States Flags waving side by side with the flags of North Korea 

Said, Mr. Un, “We are both pathological liars so believing anything that we say or do should, of course, be held up to scrutiny.  My purpose here today was to be legitimized despite all the torture and murders which  I have personally sanctioned, and all I had to do was talk about things which will never happen in a million years. This was all talk.  That is what we do.  We talk while we smile like John Candy. I did share that we get our hair cut by drunk orangutans, who are also a state delicacy.”

“We both got what we wanted here today.  I got a free trip to Singapore, with my portable toilet because I have an irrational fear of exploding ones. Trump gets to look like a big shot legitimate President while in the middle of a year-long scandal/investigation and  I come across like a reasonable, affable guy.  Then I go home to my sixty nuclear warheads and human rights violations while he heads right for his rallies to tell his base what an amazing, history-making President he is.  He will go on and on about the Nobel Peace Prize again.  He will make it seem that he saved the world.  He did this with no skill, no preparation.  No thought whatsoever.  All he did was sign a piece of paper which we agreed to sign months ago, for its PR value. For me personally, it was like sitting with a Used Car salesman from Waco who spends most of his time turning back his speedometers while telling his customers that his cars are the best cars in the history of cars.”

The two plan to continue with this charade, for years to come, while absolutely nothing changes. 

 The U.S. has 4,018 strategic nuclear warhead missiles.  The USSR has 1,950.  

This is just a game of chicken.  The West Wings vs. Dakgangjeong, which is Korean Spicy and just plain yummy.

If you want to cite history, there are decades of violated agreements between the United States and North Korea.  That is what they do.  They talk. They wave. They stage the kind of military parade that Trump lusts for.  And then behind closed bunker doors they build thermonuclear weapons and test them on a regular basis.

The current President has, according to Fact Checker, lied over 3,000 times since he got into office.  I’m sure that number is spectacularly low.   This is a guy who allows Scott Pruitt to destroy and literally poison the environment while he abuses the NPA every single day with one outrageous scandal after another, and all Trump says is, “He’s doing a terrific job behind closed doors.”

For a day we didn’t talk about Bob Mueller.  But the night before the summit, all we talked about was Robert DeNiro’s comments at the Tony Awards.  That’s how little we cared about or believed in the fake summit.  No one was buzzing with anticipation.  No one was high on the possibilities of world peace.

We judge by images today.  Not content.  Not subtext.  Not by ideas.  We are not thoughtful.  There is no discourse.   Just talking head on the news channels who do all the talking for us.  They have become our surrogate mouths.

What we do is judge instantly.

We condemn celebrities, both minor or major, to death, in our minds,  based on superficial evidence which we gather as we zip through the internet, bombarding ourselves with you-were-not-there pictures.

We reach conclusions at the speed of light.

Past Presidents were for the most part, well educated, thoughtful men, often scholarly, often as judicious as the Supreme Court itself, while issues were labored over intensely for weeks and months at a time.

Now, in this world of instant gratification, life-critical decisions are made with the same process (and speed) that we apply to deduce what to eat at McDonald's and we are perfectly fine with that.  

That is why believing a two-second summit is totally plausible to us.  

We buy it instantly, just like we buy things on Amazon.

Click a button.  Get what you want.  

And enough is never enough.  

We empower the banks who unilaterally conspired to destroy our economy, plunging us into a nightmare depression,  by borrowing heavily from them with credit cards with staggering interest, so we can buy our expensive jeans and watch our huge TVs which are far more important to us than any religion. Forgive me, John Lennon, but today, The House Wives of Beverly Hills are more popular than Jesus.

That would be Jesus Christ, the very same guy behind the Christianity that gives us those well-attended churches where we think that by attending them once a week for an hour or so, guarantees us absolution.  Evidently, that buys you six days to do whatever the hell you want as long as you have a disciple in the rearview mirror of your Dodge truck.

The fact that the President and virtually every single member of the GOP, without exception, violates the principles of the church every single day gets a big thumbs up from the pews.  Worse, we personally endorse them with our votes.  We donate our money to them.  We sanction their abhorrent behavior.  We cheer while they battle abortion, but turn away when there are tiny, bloody, bullet-ridden bodies lying in school playgrounds.

Can I have an amen!

Duplicity is the new new now.  

We do not care about old. We do not care about proof.

 We do not care about experience.  

Most of the cabinet and people in power today have no prior experience.  Science is ridiculed. Facts are distorted for convenience. Education is not honored.

And yet the same people who dismiss science and education are the first ones who run to the doctor when they find a lump on their breasts or their nicotine filled hearts suddenly break.

It’s all selective. And It’s all racist.  Obama was not only black to them, but he was scholarly which made him seem even more like Muslim/alien to them.

He was not one of them.

And that, in the end, is the biggest problem of all.

We are primitive tribes now. 

Trump’s divisive, insulting rhetoric and pure hatred for people who are capable or real accomplishment, have reduced us all, both conservatives and liberals, into DeNiro spouting cavemen and women, although the whole dragging women by the hair thing is so Harvey Weinstein 2017.

We care only for our own clans now.  Our caves.  Our fires. Our clubs, which are guaranteed to us by the second amendment.

The fish stinks from the head.

Watching Mike Pence imitate the President’s every physical move, watching him stand in the background nodding like a bobblehead doll, is emblematic of what I am talking about.

Washington is now a Monarchy see, Monarchy do environment.

The lust for power has taken us to historic lows.

The big question now is: how low can we go?