THE FABULOUS BAKER BOYS

Your Supreme Being court on Monday ruled in favor of a Colorado baker who had refused to create a wedding cake for a gay couple.   The court missed the opportunity to either bolster the rights of same-sex marriage or explain how far the government can go in regulating businesses run on religious principles.

So since Jesus was a tailor, does that mean he would pass on doing hems for a pair of wedding tuxedos?

Full disclaimer: I am a human being from the Planet Earth so with apologies, I cannot tell the difference between who is equal and who is not.   I happen not to be threatened or offended by how people need to organically express their love.  Love, after all, is God.  So theoretically, if you make love, you are making God, so amen to that.

Your founding fathers specifically built in a sharp divining line separation between church and state.  These were guys who were allergic to tyranny.  If they were suddenly transported to the America of the sixties and heard about a British Invasion they would have all thrown up.

Sadly, we are not living in an era of revolution, although nothing would please me more to Che, rattle, and roll.

The Fool on the Hillary who is your current President is the cause of it.

He is the closest we’ve had to King George since, well, King George.  The trouble is here in 2018 the Republic has not only embraced him, but they are slavishly protecting his every lack of Will and disgrace.

He is not a Republican.   He is not a Christian.   

He is a Cohnhead as in Roy, who was Trump’s mentor, who, if he lived today and found just the right adorable man he would quickly discover that he would not be able to buy a cake at certain bakeries for his upcoming nuptials.

As a Jew, I know that I am forever potentially inches away from stores brandishing Star of Davids and goon squads rounding people up to cart them off to Fascist Day Camps.

Hitler came to power by spreading the big lie which was reinforced by thugs.  The press was condemned for being fake.  Minorities were blamed for the collapse of Germany, which included Jews and Homosexuals to name a few.  Nostalgia is so 2018.

To say this could never happen again is to have your ass firmly inside Proctology City.   

Jewish cemeteries are being desecrated all over the world.  Terrorists are murdering Jews. But thank God we have Jared Kushner who, on the day of the Palestinian/Israeli bloodshed, cut Embassy opening ribbons and ate his Marie Antoinette cake which was no doubt sold by a baker who refuses to serve humans.

Trump is Roseanne Barr in a Jayne Mansfield wig.  Same body.  Same words.  You have seen the picture of Roseanne dressed as Hitler, right?  And P.S. have you ever noticed her digits?  Abnormally Trump teeny.

It’s easy to make amusing jokes about Trump because he is such a cartoon.  

But all the jokes that my band of bozo brothers and me make, however, steeped they are in literary sulphuric acid,  have little effect other than making baby cry late at night.  Sadly it does not stop him, when he wakes up cranky and alone, awash in a duvet’s worth of empty McDonald’s French fries boxes, from taking out his anger on all of us.

That is so bitchy.  So mean.  

So Roy Cohn.

Right now all we have are Angles in America.  

Little Man-euvers.  

We have a president who only plays to the slovenly Coliseum cheap seats who responds to them the way that the Yankees do when the Stadium bleacher creatures chant their names at the start of every game.

Every time I think of Trump I think of that old Imperial Margarine ad where with one bite of toast a crown would magically appear on the head of the toast taster, in a rakish Hunchback of Notre Dame angle.   Taking that metaphor to even lower places, let’s just say I also think of butter too.  

As in Last Tango in Paris.  Trump’s is Brando and we are all Maria Schneider.

Trump, as we New Yorkers all know, was our in-house Godzilla, who stomped on real estate properties like his namesake, crushing salaries and refusing to rent to people of color while being a permanent fixture of Page Six.

Since he has never possessed any other ability than accumulating fantastic debt and writing it off for a colossal profit,  the only reason anyone hung out with him in the day is because like most New York trust fund brats, he had the best Studio 54 coke and the most grabbable women.   He clung to people of power, like George Steinbrenner and yes, the Clintons, until he sucked the life out of their marrow.  After the Clintons blew him off, it was just a matter of time before he got back at them.  You savvy?  

That is how Cohnheads do business.

Barack Obama?  A nightmare for Trump because being a literate, articulate, Harvard educated, constitutional expert and a natural born leader with vision,  is everything Trump could and will never, ever, ever be.

So how did Bully Idiot take care of Obama?  Not with an Irish ballet dance showdown I can tell you that.  He did a dirty dance instead.  The whole birther thing caught fire and lit up the south.  Talk about your Bonfire of the Vanities.

Taking a page out of the Howard Stern playbook, Trump next decided to make a run for the exalted position of King of America the way Howard ran for Governor of New York or declared himself the King of all Media.

Trump, with nothing more in his feedbag than a bottomless hunger for fame, wanted to entice Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes into helping him create the Trump Network (which is called Fox News today) by performing in the ultimate goof.   He was basically the Yoko Ono of performance art politics.   And just as talented. 

He slinky-ed down that now infamous bound for hell, joyriding escalator dragging his clueless, soft-porn, facially-reconstructed like a Mt. Rushmore president, Raggedy Ann doll in Jimmy Choos wife and said a bunch of early Howard Stern shock jock bullshit about Mexicans while he typically devoured the spotlight like the star of a Purina One commercial. The fire and forty plan was to then take his new elevated fame to a whole new level so that he could create his TRUMP meets QVC network featuring him and his kids, Michael, Fredo and Connnie.

Ah, but what Trump and everyone else did not see coming, happened in a mushroom cloud quality second.  

In what seems like seconds, Trump built a Howard Stern-like following and just like that the new and improved Fartman was born.

The frat boy goof, who was already high on Gary Abusey crack fame, morphed into someone who realized that he could reduce our democracy into his form of goofernment.  

He was the new profit who was mistaken for the prophet.

Mr. Moneybags from Monopoly suddenly inherited the entire game.

And the NRA loves nothing more than a baby with a gun.  

That kind of limitless power makes it really easy to watch toddlers, Las Vegas revelers and high school kids get assassinated by military grade weapons on a regular basis.  They are all acceptable losses when it comes to the the  big picture.

This my friends is the GOP’s form of Dr. Strangelove.  

Just like that Trump became the Orange Face in the Crowd and everyone was buying into Lonesome Rhodes’s bullshit.  Not-so-P.C. Barnum was giving the people exactly what they wanted: racist/homophobic quality blame and they should not buy enough Make America Great Again hats

You see, with lemmings, you get lemonade.

Trump, who has spent more money on abortions than you do on rent in a lifetime,  became a pretend Republican simply because everyone he was jealous or intimated by was a Democrat.

Cackling behind America’s back with the rich, like a murder of evil Disney cartoon crows eating caviar at the trough, became the sport du jour at Mar-A-Lago which evidently is where the obese and talentless are welcome to play pretend, cheating golf and tennis.

We are now all the victims of the Cohnhead abuse.  Every day.  Every hour.  Every minute.

The only joy that I am experiencing is watching Trump get cornered in the D.C. dumpster like a pizza carrying rat as the walls of his Mana-fort go tumbling down.

Trump has made a career out of slithering out things, by lawyering up and gaming the system until he wins.

Let us remember that Roy Cohn was a lawyer too who had no trouble electrocuting one of his own.

How much longer we remain at the bottom of the Crack Barrel is entirely up to you, America.

In this dawning of the net #metoo movement, where guys like Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby, two Trump surrogates, are taken down and Parkland students become the voice of a new, sane and moral America, I have hope.

More women and people of color are running for public office than ever before.

It is time, once and for all, to reach the higher ground.