What Must Babies Think?

SECRET DEVON NUNES MEMO LEAKED!

Written by

David S. Simon

02/01/17

The Rage on the Page blog was able to secure an early rough draft of Devon Nunes' secret memo which he personally cobbled together with other Republicans which he went on to embellish at the pleasure of the president for whom he has no doubt signed a loyalty oath.

First a little deep background first.  Who is Devon Nunes?

Nunes is the U.S. Representative for California's 22nd congressional district since 2003. A Republican, he serves as chairman of the United States House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence and was a member of President Trump's transition team.

Let's underline those last few words: Trump's transition team.

In February 2014, during a drought in California, Nunes rejected any link to global warming, saying "Global warming is nonsense."

Nunes supported President Donald Trump's 2017 executive order imposing a temporary ban on entry to the U.S. to citizens of seven Muslim-majority countries, calling it "a common-sense security measure to prevent terror attacks on the homeland."

In February 2017, Nunes, who served on the Trump transition team, was the first leading House Republican to deny that the intelligence community had evidence of contact between the Trump campaign and Russian operatives. 

He has rejected repeated calls for an investigation by a select committee, saying that the House will not engage in a "witch hunt" and that "at this point, there's nothing there."  Sound familiar?  You could hardly hear Trump's sphincter move.  Perhaps that is because Mr. Nunes nose is so far up it.

Nunes also rejected calls that he request President Trump's tax returns. At the request of a White House communications aide, Nunes spoke to a Wall Street Journal reporter to challenge a story about the Trump campaign's connections to Russia.

When Trump's national security adviser Micheal T. Flynn resigned after it was revealed that he had misled the Trump administration about his communication with Russian officials, Nunes said he would not seek to investigate Flynn's ties to Russia. Nunes said, "From everything that I can see, his conversations with the Russian ambassador—he was doing this country a favor, and he should be thanked for it."

So obviously Mr. Nunes is a completely impartial and unbiased guy.

With all this in mind, here for the very first time, is the early rough draft of Mr. Nune's memo, that includes personally handwritten notes from Mr. Trump.

NEVIN'S ORIGINAL TITLE:

HOW TO DISTORT, DISCREDIT AND ULTIMATELY DESTROY THE INVESTIGATION INTO  TRUMP'S POST-ELECTION COLLUSION WITH RUSSIA AND OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE CHARGES. WHILE MAKING IT LOOK LIKE THE DOJ AND BOB MUELLER HAVE 100% TOTALLY BIASED POLITICAL MOTIVES.

FROM TRUMP:

*Devy:  First off, did you get the fruit of the month box yet?   Melania said  I should go with the Omaha Steak of the month, but my thought is: hey, let's just see how successful he is in ending this witch hunt because at this point there is nothing there.  I think you should change the title to: "THE SECRET MEMO  THAT USES NO MADE UP EVIDENCE (WITH OMITTED FACTS) OF BAD DOINGS BY THE VERY PEOPLE WHO ARE ACCUSING TRUMP OF THIS WHOLE RUSSIHER THING."

FROM TRUMP AGAIN:

"Devy: Ty Cobb has me in yet another headlock and is (ouch, stop!) giving me a head noogie, while reminding me that the only people who are going to buy into this are my hardcore followers (I'm not referring to Stormy) whose news sources include The National Enquirer.  So maybe the title should just be: WITCH HUNT ENDED BECAUSE AT THIS POINT THERE IS NOTHING THERE. 

*Reminder to self: send fruit of the month baskets to Trey Gowdy, Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell plus a personally Sharpie Pen autographed picture of Jesus to My Pence.  So far they are committing just as much treason as me, putting their own self-interests above of the law, choosing personal power and money over the needs of the American People.  Thisi is exactly what was taught at Trump University.  Bravo!

FROM NUNES

Everyone at the FBI and DOJ hates Trump.  Every single agent and even the custodial staff.

FROM TRUMP, JR.

Love it! And that is true.  A negro American-Custodial person there, while I was visiting, said, "should I take out the trash?  Like I didn't know who he was talking about? Sad!

FROM NUNES:

Shortly after Page resigned from the Trump campaign, the Federal Bureau of Investigation obtained a warrant from the US Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court to surveil Page's communications. To issue the warrant, a federal judge concluded there was probable cause to believe that Page was a foreign agent knowingly engaging in clandestine intelligence for the Russian government. Page was the only American who was directly targeted with a FISA warrant in 2016 as part of the Russia probe. The 90-day warrant was repeatedly renewed. By the end of January 2017, Page was under investigation by the FBI, the Central Intelligence Agency, the National Security Agency, the Director of National Intelligence, and the Financial Crimes Enforcement Network. 

FROM TRUMP:

Whoa, whoa, WTF?  Cut the whole goddamn paragraph. Mueller and Friends, which I believe is a new show on CNN, know that Page also testified that after delivering a commencement speech at the New Economic School in Moscow, he spoke briefly with one of the people in attendance, Arkady Dvorkovich, a Deputy Prime Minister in Dmitry Medvedev's cabinet, contradicting his previous statements not to have spoken to anyone connected with the Russian government. In addition, while Page denied a meeting with Igor Sechin, the president of state-run Russian oil conglomerate Rosneft as alleged in the Donald Trump–Russia dossier, he did say he met with Andrey Baranov, Rosneft's head of investor relations. The dossier alleges that Sechin offered Page the brokerage fee from the sale of up to 19 percent of Rosneft if he worked to roll back Magnitsky Act economic sanctions that had been imposed on Russia in 2012. Page testified that he did not "directly" express support for lifting the sanctions during the meeting with Baranov, but that he might have mentioned the proposed Rosneft transaction. Let's just change the paragraph to: Trump has no memory of every knowing Carter Page.  Who is Carter Page?  I never heard of him. Then add the line: this a witch hunt which should be ended because at this point there is nothing there.

FROM NUNES:

The Christopher Steele dossier was paid for by Hilary Clinton and is all made up.  All of it.  Because, even though Mr. Steele who was a well respected veteran member of the intelligence world, whose specialty was the Soviet Union and he was the first person to contact the FBI about his concerns that hey had compromised the US elections with a massive internet attack, which turned out to 1000% true,  he is like a total liar.

FROM TRUMP

That's good Devy.  Like it all.  Add that although the dossier claims to have videos of Trump with Russher hookers, we can categorically say that they are false because I videotape all of my own, "fun stuff" and watching the tapes as often as I have,  you have to think: how the hell can you tell that those women with Trump are even from Russher?  For all they know one of them could have been Ivanka, which is a very Russher name.  Please add: the dossier is a witch hunt which should be ended because at this point there is nothing there.

FROM NUNES

In conclusion, hold on Paul Ryan is saying something to me. Oh.  He wants me to put in that everyone at the CIA hates Trump too and is full of prejudice.  

FROM TRUMP

Wow.  Everyone at the Culinary Institue of America hates me?  Of course, they do.  They want to poison me and that is my nickname is McDonald Trump.  Great work, Devy.  Now let's work on the whole Mueller image thing.  Let's ignore the fact that he is a decorated war hero, with a Purpleheart, has served three presidents faithfully, is a Republican, has a special needs child and is probably the last honest man in American politics.  Let's just say that his wife is not on Team Trump and let's try to destroy her...and his kid.  That will wear him down.

 Remember: if any of this gets traced back to the White House--just like the last time I am going to categorically deny everything and say that you and I have never met.  Then say goodbye to your fucking fruit basket, pal.

Oh. And please add the line: s a witch hunt which should be ended because at this point there is nothing there.