BLACK PANTHER VS PINK PANTHER: T’CHALLA VS T’RUMP

Today class, inspired by your president’s comment that he would have run into Marjory Douglas Stoneman High School (which would make him, to me, The Pink Panther) with or without a gun, we are going to compare two great leaders:

T’Challa of Wakanda

And T’rump aka Wakanda Fool am I?

Interestingly enough we are going to begin with their similarities.

King T’Challa and T’rump were both born with vibranium spoons in their mouths.

Both were born in and continue to live in castles.

T’Challa has a cousin Killmonger who says, in the museum scene, “How do you think your ancestors got these?   You think they paid a fair price for it?  Or did they take them like they took everything else?”   Incredibly that is exactly what it says on the T’rump’s Family Crest.

T’Challa is struggling to figure out if he is hero or villain and Killmonger represents in many ways what and who he is striving to be.  A deep part of his divided self.

T’rump is struggling to find out what kind of hero or villain he is as well.   Is he a lying crooked hero or a lying crooked villain?   

T’Challa is based on a comic book character who is now in an action movie.

T’rump is based on a comic book character who is now in a take a piece of the action movie.

Both demand loyalty from their subjects.

T’Challa has hope.

T’rump lost his yesterday.

Both have isolationist beliefs.

T’Challa does not want the world to be weaponized.

T’rump wants to throw a military parade.

Both are haunted by the specter of the black guy who came before this.

T’Challa is trying to reconcile with his father.

T’rump is still trying to destroy dude who came before him.

The movie blends elements of the fantastical with actual African iconography, language and tradition.

T’rump’s world blends elements of the fantastical, believe me, fantastical and, well, with even more elements of the fantastical.

The film deals with a son who is trying to be as great as his father.

Even though he’s an incompetent idiot, Don Jr has already achieved that.

In the film, M’Baku, leader of the Jabari, says, “glory to Hanuman,” which is a reference to the tribe’s gorilla deity.

Interestingly, T’rump wanted to change our pledge of allegiance to “glory to Trump” (though he would have settled for “Heil, T’rump!”).  In either case, both would have been references to our current gorilla deity.

At one point of the film our heroes are tasked with retrieving a fabled heart-shaped herb that can heal mortal wounds.

T’rump takes Propecia, which ironically is also the name of a local Washington, D.C. hooker who has keys to the back door of the White House.  

Both expect their black women to bend the knees.

T’Challa ultimately is the source of pride to the children.

T’rump signs bills so that the mentally ill can kill as many of ours as they feels like with AR-15s.

Both struggle with a Queen to be.

T’Challa ultimately gets tested when he’s drawn into a conflict that puts the fate of Wakanda and the entire world at risk.

T’rump gets testes every five minutes and is drawn into conflicts of his own making that puts the fate of America and the entire world at risk.

T’Challa’s world is exclusively black.  Isolated by choice.

T’rump’s world is exclusively white.  Isolated by choice.

Faced with treachery and danger, T’Challa must rally his allies and release the full power of Black Panther to defeat his foes and secure the safety of the people.

T’rump faced with treachery and treason, tries to rally his allies and release the full power of Pink Panther by trying to convince his people that he would run into a Parkland school.

The name Black Panther recalls a once upon a time radical organization that fought for the rights of a people.

T’rump recalls the KKK which also continues to fight for the rights of it’s people.

Both have wimpy like white guys at their side from the Department of Justice.  Ross for T’Challa, Jeff Sessions for T’rump.   In the end Ross becomes a hero and Sessions goes out to dinner with Ron Rosenstein while deflecting insults for his commander and cheat.

Both rescue their beloved mates so that they can attend the coronation.  Neither one of them live with their men after that.

Both have business in South Korea.  T’Challa to fight Klaue.   T’rump to screw things up.

T’rump goes overboard.

T’Challa goes over the waterfalls.

T’Challa gains enhanced strength by ingesting the heart-shaped herb.

T’rump gains enhanced strength by eating Big Macs, Fries and Diet Cokes.

Both sit on a throne.

T’rump is still considering that gold loaner from the Museum.

Nakia begins the film fighting for enslaved women in Nigeria.

T’rump grabs women by the pussy.

Women in Wakanda are bald and wear wigs.

Men in Washington are bald and wear wig weaves.

When Daniel Kalluya who plays W’Kabi, walks down the street, people yell GET OUT.

When T’rump goes anywhere, people yell GET OUT.

T’Challa 16 year old sister, Sheri, designs new technology for her country. 

When she was 16,  Ivanka was designing jewelry and super cool handbags  to make as much money as she could from her country.

T’Challs mother, Ramona, wears a waist-length wig made from 120 pieces of hand-rolled dreadlocks.

So does T’rump, which is obvious every night when he lets his hair down.

T’Challa’s enemy played by Andy Serkis, is a black-market arms dealer, smuggler and gangster.

All of T’rumps heroes are the very same thing.

Klaue is motivated by a personal vendetta against T’Challa.

So is motivated by the very same kind of vendetta, especially against anyone who disagrees or displeases him.

So, class what have we learned here?

Why we have learned the difference between a real hero and comic book version of one.

• Ifonly real life were more like the Marvel Universe.