DETAILS OF THE TRUMP JR. DIVORCE LEAKED

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Fox News declared a national day of mourning for Don Jr after it was announced that his wife Vanessa had filed for divorce.  Trump Jr. had just recently suggested that he was considering firing his five children in the hopes of creating the kind of family that he really wants.

Trump who received a Ph.D. in Marriage at Trump University said that he was bewildered as he had applied everything that he had learned to his union.

His father,  the current President, said that he had personally guided his son through his marriage and had sent both Billy Graham and Stormy Daniels in as personal advisors.

Details of the Divorce have been leaked.  Here are a few of the highlights.

Don Jr. will get custody of the elephant tails that he severed on the Serengeti.  He also gets the cases of Valvoline SynPower Full Synthetic Motor Oil. which he uses to keep his hair shiny and greasy.

Vanessa gets to treat the Trump name like the apartments on the Upper West Side of Manhattan have: she gets to make it go away.  She will return to her maiden name, Hitler which she claims is far more user-friendly.

Don Jr. also gets to treat his children exactly like his father treated him.  He will be parenting from a distance of no less than 5000 miles.

Don Jr. will get his gun collection which he suggested that he will be selling to raise funds to buy more guns.

Don Jr. will get his elevator shoes which were custom made for him at the We Have Lift-Off Shop which is based in the Cape Kennedy souvenir area in Brevard County, Florida.

Don Jr. will get dirt on Hillary Clinton which he has long said he loves.

Don Jr. will get to keep his wardrobe including his Red Ties with Russia collection and his suits which were made for him by The Ventriloquist Dummy Clothing Store.

Don Jr. gets to keep the sheets which were a gift for the Ku Klux Klan of America.  The Jeff Sessions collection.

Don Jr. gets to keep all the money that he has swindled from tenants and middle eastern countries.

Don Jr. gets full custody of his five pit bulls  Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, and Sadomasochism.  

Don Jr. gets to keep his veneer overbite and smug grin.

Don Jr. gets full custody of his brother Erik as long as he agrees to walk him twice a day.

Don Jr. gets to keep all the furniture from his pretend Oval Office which was made especially for him by Fisher-Price toys.

Don Jr. gets to keep his honorary membership in his father’s club, #metoupee.  

Don Jr. gets to keep his subpoena-able emails as a personal reminder as to how staggeringly clueless and reckless he can be.

Don Jr. gets to keep his favorite tanning products, including The Sun Rises And Sets  Just For Me lotions.

Don Jr. gets his bathtub yacht toys which stay afloat on a sea of debt.

Don Jr. gets his orange jumpsuit from the new Trump line, Jail To The Chief.

Vanessa Trump besides getting full custody of their five kids gets the most valuable thing of all, which she intuited that she would need from day one during the signing of the oft-used Trump Pre-Nup.

Her freedom.

#Trump
#Don Jr.
#Don Jr. Divorce













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