TRUMPARANORMAL ACTIVITY

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The last 400+ days have been so filled with presidential absurdity that at this point nothing that goes down in the Walter White House would surprise me anymore.  All of it is simply beyond the scope of normal scientific understanding.  

Stephen Hawking just dropped dead trying to figure it out.

Let’s look into the future and see some coming attractions.

Soon to be announced, the new secretary of Health:  Martin Shkreli will cry when he is told that he is going to the White House instead of prison.  (He will live in mortal fear thinking that Mr. Trump wants to kill drug dealers).

Mr. Trump will endorse God and overnight Satan will become the go to guy in all the states that Trump carried.

The sedatives will wear off and Melania Trump will realize that she is married to Donald Trump and will try to break out of her overnight leg restraints.

Bobby Hitler, Adolf’s grandson will replace Michelle Bachman who replaced Sarah Palin who replaced Rush Limbaugh who replaced Stormy Daniels who replaced Mike Pompeo as Secretary of State.  His bloody end will become a book to be called “The Last Days Of Pompeo.”

Harvey Weinstein will be appointed ambassador to the red light district of Amsterdam.

Kid Rock will write a new National Anthem called “Fuck You Liberals.”  

The runner up Ted Nugent’s “Shoot First, Pledge Second.”

In an effort to show inclusion, Mr. Trump will install a James Baldwin piano into the Oval Office which the “negro” custodial staff will be able to play after hours.

Rachel Maddow’s White House Exit Board will be air lifted, sub-divided and will become all the walls of the Trump Library, which will contain seven million copies of Art of the Deal (initially Mr. Trump asked ghostwriter Tony Schwartz who this Jew Art was).

Mr. Trump will change the name Mt. Rushmore to Mt. Russiamore.

Mr. Trump will return to his role as a TV producer.  His first show will be The Golden Shower Girls.

Sean Hannity will announce the arrival of a new McDonald’s Shake called McDONALD which is orange, full of fat and have absolutely no taste.

Mr. Trump will pick the pig of the month beginning with him wearing an Angela Merkel mask to his next State of the Union address.

Mr. Trump will initiate why Kobe Bryant won an Oscar for sexually abusing a young girl and he didn’t. Sad!

In a show of solidarity, Mr. Trump will declare Mondays, “Bring Your Daughter To Korea Day.”  The other daughter, what’s her name, will have to fly to Korea and bring back a nuclear warhead.

The new White House physician, Dr. Ben Carson will declare Mr. Trump more fit than a new born baby and will suggest a daily workout of golf.

The NRA will open up Moving Target stores and only hire high school kids.

Space Boobs in Space will become the official entry at The White House Film Festival.

Mr. Trump will bad mouth the series The Crown because dentistry is so boring.

The Wall will be completed and every fan of The Who will urinate on it.

Mr. Trump will continue to believe that DC comics is about Washington.

To further top Mr,. Obama, Mr. Trump will insist on being called Nat Clean Coal.

Melania Trump will officially open the Omarosa Garden.

The Washington Senators will take the place of the Washington Nationals, get shot on day one and do nothing about it.

Ivanka will have breakfast, lunch and dinner at Tiffany’s.

Mr. Trump will be treated for electile dysfunction and be treated by Soviet doctors.

Mr. Trump will continue calling the United Nations, say, “You In?” And hang up.

Aaron Judge will be elected to the Supreme Court because “he is a home run.”

Don Jr will become the official spokesman for Crisco Hair Products.

Mr. Trump will turn White Castles into mini white houses to be called “In and Oust” where employees never know how long they have.

The Adult Film Industry declares Mr. Trump Man of the Rear.

Mr. Trump demands than Ansel Elgort and Timothy Calasomething change their names because who can remember them, right?

Mr. Trump will begin a new franchise, which son Eric will run, Extreme Nicholas Cage Matches where opponents will try to survive the next Nicholas Cage movie.

Mr. Trump will hireJohnny Cochran posthumously to defend him, given that his defense is exactly the blame game same as O.J.s’, the jury of his peers will ignore all evidence and both he and Mr. Simpson favor the color orange.

Jeff Sessions will no longer recall Tuesdays.

 Melania Trump will win the First Annual Andy Kaufman Soundalike Contest and her entire acceptance speech will be “Thank you very much.”

Mr. Trump will say that Mexicans should not be read their rights and will sponsor a new bill called “The Lin Manuel Miranda Act.”

Mr. Trump aka “Concrete Blonde,” will officially dub his border defense system “Donald Trump’s Wall Street,”  and sell ad space for each wall (Spanish on one side/English on the other/Spanglish in the middle).  The entire project will will be nicknamed “750,000 Billboards Outside Chula Vista.”

What is insane is how not insane any of this sounds. 

There is one more thing however, that I do see in the not so distant future,.

The phrase for the “Bide/Oprah” ticket:

Hindsight in 2020.
































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