TRUTH SUES TRUMP FOR HARASSMENT

Truth announced today that it is going to sue Trump for harassment, seeking unspecified damages and has attained the services of attorney Gloria Allred to represent it.

In a prepared statement which was read from the steps of the New York County Supreme Court, Ms. Allred said, “The Washington Post's Fact-Checker blog has been keeping a strict count of President Donald Trump's many misstatements, untruths, and outright lies. Over the weekend at a rally in Michigan, Trump hit a milestone: He topped 3,000 untrue or misleading statements in 466 days in office.”

Truth, who appeared haggard also made a brief statement.   “On average Trump has abused me on average  6.5 times a day. Every. Single. Day. In fact, he’s been picking up the pace and has said nine untruths or misleading statements a day over the past two months.  This has to stop.  This is not what America is all about.  So I am going to begin the #metruth movement and once and for all put an end to this.”

In a statement issued by the White House, in a direct response, Mr. Trump said, “I have no idea who or what truth is.  I never met it.  Truth is lying.  I repeat.  Truth is lying.   I mean look at it.  Do you think a guy like me would go for something like that? Give me a break.”

In a separate lawsuit, Burger King announced that the press can no longer call the White House “The Home of the Whopper,” as it is a copyrighted ad line.

“Looking at this objectively it does appear that truth has a case,” said journalist and MSNBC host Ari Melber.  “Clearly truth has been physically, emotionally and spiritually belittled.  This is all about lie-ability and there is an abundance of clear evidence that Trump has knowingly and compulsively beaten truth into the ground.  To quote Tupac, “Forgive but don’t forget, girl. Keep ya head up and when he tells you, you  ain’t nothing don’t believe him and if he can’t learn to love you, you should leave him.”

Historically Truth and Trump have had a tempestuous relationship.  According to eyewitnesses, they could not even be in the same room together.  Said one insider, “He was horrible to Truth.  It was embarrassing to be perfectly honest.  It was hard to watch.  He would ridicule it in public, sometimes going as far as denying its existence or importance.  We knew that he was cheating behind Truth’s back and living with lies.  That was an open secret.  But that was Donald.  He literally could not help himself.  It was no different than watching a drug addict.

Roger Stone defended Trump’s treatment of the truth.  Said, Mr. Stone, “I have known Donald for decades and as you well know I have a tattoo of Richard Nixon on my back so I would say that when it comes to the subject of truth, I am an expert in the field.  What you people call, deception, I call acting.  As the great Roy Cohn once said, “I learned acting by doing it.  And although I had never taken an acting class, it didn’t take long to learn how to be on the stage.  All you have to do is to be humiliated in front of an audience a few times.  If you don’t like being humiliated, you learn to act.”  When questioned about the morality of lying, Mr. Stone again quoted Mr. Cohn, who was Mr. Trump’s mentor.  Said Mr. Stone, “Don’t show me the code.  Show me the judge.”

Following that statement, the value of lying soared in the market which closed at an all-time high.

Scientists aren't sure why humans tell lies, but that it is likely linked to several psychological factors. Foremost among these factors is self-esteem, according to Mark Reitman, a psychologist at Harvard University.  Reitman, who studies the underlying causes of human deceit, has found that when a person's self-esteem is threatened, he or she will "immediately begin to lie at higher levels."

"We're trying not so much to impress other people but to maintain a view of ourselves that is consistent with the way they would like us to be.”  In other words, people often lie to make social situations easier.  But bald-faced lies (i.e. making something up or falsifying information) often occur when people are trying to avoid punishment or embarrassment, according to William Earnest, an assistant professor of communication at St. Edward's University in Austin, Texas, and co-author of the book "Lying and Deception in Human Interaction" 

Like it or not, spreading gossip, which is often not based in any reality,  is a part of everyday life. In fact, scientists speculate that gossip may actually bring us humans closer together.

Robin Dunbar, a primatologist at Oxford University in the United Kingdom, likens gossip to the constant grooming of other primates. Baboons pick bugs out of each other's back hair; we humans talk about others behind their backs. It's the verbal glue that keeps our social bonds strong, 

Other researchers, such as Jennifer Bosson, a professor of psychology at the University of South Florida, agree that sharing our dislikes of others helps develop a bond between the gossiper and the listener.

”When two people share a dislike of another person, it brings them closer," Bosson told Live Sciencein 2006. 

God, who was reached by phone at his home in desert hideaway home Mount Sinai, had this to say about Trump’s behavior:

“Can you hear me now?  Sorry. I have Sprint so what can I say?  Are you calling to thank me or condemn me for Alexa?  You know, I dabble. I do. It’s all hit or miss.  Hey, how right was I about Nutella?  You’re welcome. I know people who eat that in the shower.  You know Alexa to me is Don Jr.  and Siri is Eric.  We’re working on the latter, but it is very slow and not very smart.  My bad. Deus Ex Machina. “  

“As for the mistreatment of the truth, Kong not happy.  America was built on truths which are supposed to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by, well me,  with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  Based on what I’ve been seeing since 2016 all that has gone right down the declaration of independence crapper.   Did you not get the memo that said “Nazis bad?”  I mean why do so many of you bother going to church if you are going to go forth day after day and ignore the principles that I have granted you?  Doesn’t that make you all liars too?”  It makes me think of the Carl Perkins lyric, Well how can you say you will when you won’t? Say you do, baby when you don't? Tell the truth now, is love real?”  Why do I even bother to write things like “do not bear false witness against thy neighbor? 

Truth distorted is the lie that you tell yourself to justify your own narcissistic existence.  It’s like saying that the second amendment is all about your right to own all the military grade weapons that you want.  Exactly where does it say that?   That’s just a careless, dangerous interpretation based on the almighty dollar instead of the almighty me.

When did truth start to come in different flavors?  You have Kool-Aid for Christ’s sake.  Have you not seen the choices in the cereal aisle?  I go to Stop and Shop and it makes me dizzy.  

Truth and honesty are the foundation of all human relationships. It’s the bedrock.  Without it all you have is fear, mistrust, deceit, hate, and blame.  You can’t have alternate facts.  That’s why the Ten Commandments were written in stone and we’re not talking Roger.

I’m a really busy guy, okay?  I can’t do it all for you. You have to do the heavy lifting, people.   I take care of myself so I can take care of you.  Tomorrow I’m going to see my proctologist,  Roy Cohn, which reminds me of Commandment numero dos:  Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's.

I gotta go. I’m binge watching The Americans, which is like the tensest show ever.  We’re talking beneath the robe clenching.  

So let me leave you with this:

STOP IT.  Stop with all the fighting and the bickering and the need to be right and everyone else wrong.  Stop with all the lying because it is systematically destroying you all. And learn to accept change. Sorry, Mike Pence, but the whole Garden of Eden thing was a metaphor.  You got that dummy?  A metaphor.  And evolution?  Yup.  It’s far realz.

Every change in life is pure evidence of it.  And nowhere in the bible did I say same-sex marriage is not cool.  Yes, okay,   Leviticus 18:22 identifies homosexual sex as an abomination, a detestable sin. Romans 1:26-27 declares homosexual desires and actions to be shameful, unnatural, lustful, and indecent. First Corinthians 6:9 states that homosexuals are unrighteous and will not inherit the kingdom of God. 

But that was how many years ago?  Things change, kids.  Have you not met the new Pope? 

It takes time to get to everything.  I mean I just got up to limiting the number of visits a catcher can make on the mound.  But news flash: there are more changes coming.  

The only thing that is permanent is the commandments.  That is the playbook for all human interaction.  That will never have an expiration date.  

Everything else is subject to change and so much of what your problems are is based on how much you hate or fear it.   I hear you yelling when I update the cable TV channel guide.

The bottom line: The universe is always expanding.

It’s time for you to do the same.

God, out.”

(P.S. I just copyrighted a slogan for the next election:  Hindsight is 2020).