PRE-HELSINKI REHEARSAL CONVERSATION LEAKED!

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Melania:  So I am who?

Trump:  I am me and you are Putin.

Melania:  I get new shoes for this?

Trump:  Yes. Fantastic shoes.  Shoes that do a great job.

Melania:  (Sigh) Okay.

Trump:  Hello, Mr. Putin.

Melania:  He is here?

Trump: No. He is you.

Melania: When?

Trump:  Right now!  No. Don't wave. Act like him.

Melania:  Oh.  Hello.

Trump: No, you are not kissing me right. Like him. Like him.

Melania:  We go to motel now?

Trump: What?  Suddenly I'm in The Producers.  Now shake my hand.

Melania:  Which one?

Trump:  Like him.  Like him.   With both hands and one finger out to see if there is still a pulse.  Hey. Stop twirling and come back here.  We only have a few more minutes.  

Melania:  I don't want shoes.  I want teacup monkey who I will call Roberto De LaVega Manuel Ramone.  I buy him loafers because monkeys cannot tie.

Trump: Fine. Whatever.  Okay. So we're standing at the pulpit, here come the questions.  Ask me one.

Melania:  Are you enjoying your krovjanka made from melted pork lard?

Trump:  What? No. You are in your waitress head.  Ask me a hard one.

Melania:  Hello. Would you like to come home with me sad sailor?

Trump: Jesus, now we're on the Slovenian docks!  

 Melania: Where you first asked me out, remember, Donald?  You said,  you pick women the way you will someday pick Supreme Court justices. Whoever costs the least and will do the most.

Donald:  Tick tock.  I only have a few more minutes. Okay, uh, ask me about collusion.

Melania:  Okay. Hello sir. Do you have collusion or comprehensive insurance?  (Singing)We are Farmers, bop dee bop dee bob bee bop bop!  I jiggle boobies just for you!  Wheeee!  You marry me for my tassels no?

Trump:  What?  Jesus, now I have to wing it.

Melania:  Oh.  This come from you before.

Trump: What is it? Oh, Thank God.   This is everything they want me to say, all written out!   (Reading) Foolish, good....Dan Coates...say "thinks" it was Russians not "knows"....blame America...got it.  Bring up server and Hilary. Talk about yourself.  Laugh about dossier (which is in the glove compartment of my car in a folder marked, "Department of Waterworks").  Only stand when Soviet anthem plays.  Beautiful.   I feel good now.  Thank you Stormy.

Melania:  Melania.

Trump:  Whatever.   

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